How to Choose the Right Trustee in a Blended Family?

 Posted on July 04, 2026 in Trust Administration

What makes someone the right trustee for a blended family? The best choice is a person who can treat your spouse and your children fairly, even when their interests do not fully align.

According to a 2026 Pew Research Center analysis of Census Bureau data, 17 percent of U.S. children lived in a blended family in 2023. Many of those families will eventually need to make estate planning decisions, including choosing a trustee. In 2026, naming the wrong trustee can lead to years of court fights between a stepparent and stepchildren.

A Kendall County, IL estate planning attorney with experience helping blended and non-traditional families can walk you through trustee options tailored to your family.

What Does Illinois Law Require From a Trustee?

A trustee holds and manages trust assets for the beneficiaries. Under 760 ILCS 3/801, Illinois law requires a trustee to act in good faith and follow the trust’s terms. Under 760 ILCS 3/803, a trustee managing a trust with two or more beneficiaries must act impartially.

The trustee must give due regard to each beneficiary's interests, rather than favoring one side of the family over the other. A beneficiary who believes a trustee is playing favorites can ask the court to review the trustee’s decisions or order a remedy for a breach of trust.

What Does a Trustee Do in a Blended Family Trust? 

In a blended family, being a trustee often involves balancing conflicting interests within the family. Most often, this means measuring a spouse's needs against the inheritance rights of children from an earlier marriage.

In practice, a trustee might pay a surviving spouse's housing and medical costs under a standard called HEMS, short for health, education, maintenance, and support. The remaining trust assets stay in place for the children or other remainder beneficiaries.

In a traditional family, a spouse or adult child often steps into the trustee role without much debate. In a blended family, that same choice can create tension right away. A stepparent trustee may face pressure from stepchildren who worry about their inheritance. A child from a first marriage may clash with a stepparent over how much to distribute, and when.

Should You Choose a Family Member, a Professional Trustee, or Co-Trustees?

Deciding between a family member and a professional trustee often comes down to a trade-off between personal familiarity and neutral distance.

A family member serving as trustee:

• Knows your values and family history, which can make distributions feel more personal.
• May find it hard to say no to a spouse or child who asks for more than the trust allows.

A professional trustee, such as a bank, trust company, or corporate trustee:

• Brings distance from family disputes and experience managing similar trusts.
• Charges ongoing fees, so this option tends to work best for larger estates.

Many blended family parents choose a professional trustee to keep a family member out of the middle. Others name a spouse and an adult child, or a family member and a professional trustee, to serve together as co-trustees. The co-trustee model only works well if your trust document spells out how disagreements should be resolved. Without clear instructions, disagreements between co-trustees can delay distributions, increase legal expenses, and frustrate the very people the trust was meant to protect.

Common Mistakes When Naming a Trustee

Families planning for blended households run into a few recurring problems:

• Naming co-trustees without spelling out how ties should be broken
• Choosing a family member mainly to avoid hurt feelings, rather than firm boundaries
• Leaving out a successor trustee, so the court has to appoint one if your first choice cannot serve
• Failing to update the trustee after a divorce

Any one of these gaps can turn a well-intentioned trust into years of family conflict.

Once you have chosen a trustee, tell your spouse and children, along with a short explanation of why. You do not need to share every detail, but a brief conversation can head off assumptions that lead to resentment.

Schedule a Complimentary Family Wealth Planning Meeting with a Kendall County, IL Estate Planning Attorney

Attorney Sean Robertson has more than 20 years of experience. His background in real estate law, developed while working with a title company, gives him added insight when trust assets include property or business holdings. Contact our Montgomery, IL trust and estate lawyer at Gateville Law Firm to schedule your Complimentary Family Wealth Planning Meeting and start building a plan that protects your entire family. Call 630-780-1034 today.